Yep. Obviously I have watched my first daughter lose her life to cancer and Mr Kent had a tumour on his kidney just before lockdown and had his kidney out but when someone says to you “you have breast cancer” it is definitely different.
I was in shock because I thought I had an extra layer of skin in my breast. About a month ago when I was blow drying my hair I noticed that I had a dent underneath my left boob. I wasn’t sure if that was something I should worry about but it got a little wider and I went to see my GP. She didnt say she could feel a lump but said she thought it felt like an extra layer of skin and would send me to the breast clinic.
I thought I was going to just have a mammogram as it was 2 years ago that I had my last one, but when the letter came it said ‘this referral has been made because your GP clinician is concerned that your symptoms could be a sign of cancer’
I still didn’t thank I did have cancer!
That morning I was looking after my gorgeous granddaughter and had a fashion show on with Bodega Womenswear at Brasserie Blanc, where I was playing my saxophone at lunchtime. I went and set up my speaker etc, Mr K collected Mali from me and off I went to the breast clinic in Cheltenham.
The first person I met was Dave the nurse practitioner. He was great. Got my sense of humour (which is always my default- try and be funny) and examined me. He sat down and said I can feel a lump, you are going to have a mammogram, then an ultrasound and I am pretty sure they will do a biopsy.
My daze started!! I moved around pretty quickly and the ultrasound reminded me of a scan when you are pregnant. Except can you see that white mass he said on my right boob. Yes I said. That is calcium he said. We moved to the left breast and ‘can you see that dark shadow he said. Yes there are two aren’t there I said. Yes there are two, they are cancerous and we need to operate to take them out.
The daze deepened. We are going to take a biopsy he said – not too pleasant – it felt like he was using a staple gun on me!
Some light – It is not in your lymph nodes he said.
Back to another mammogram to check the marker was in the right place and then back to Dave. What have they told you? he said
- I have two cancerous lumps that need to come out
- It is not in my lymph nodes
- I have calcium in my other breast.
Yes he said and we need to find out what is feeding that and you will need to come back and have a biopsy with your boob clamped in the mammogram machine!!
Off I went back to Brasserie Blanc to play my sax and raise £1200 for children with cancer. Ironic or what??!!
I didn’t really have time to process it all properly until last weekend because it is a bit mad at the moment with Childhood Cancer Awareness Month! But I have been telling everyone that it’s all going to be fine. No one dies from breast cancer anymore and I am totally positive.
But today, going for the biopsy on the calcium boob was more surgical, blood and felt a bit more serious. Not the most comfortable being in the mammogram machine for at least 10 mins while they took the samples. But they did freeze it.
A meeting with a nurse who said she cant say what percentages of calcium clusters end up turning to cancer so we have to wait till the results are back.
My next meeting is next Wednesday with the left boob results and hopefully a surgery date.
I seem to have lost all my positive vibes today for many reasons I think. When people say wherever I go “Hi Julie How are you?” I just can’t say OK and end up saying well Ive been better because I was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. The I try and make them feel better when I see the look on their faces. It’s going to be fine I say. There is lots of treatment for it. I am going to be OK. But today I’m not convincing myself!!
I will be fine tomorrow!! And am already planning a big charity PINK PARTY next year when I have kicked it
So off we go. Blog number 1. Let’s hope the blog doesn’t go on for months or years!!
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